As humans, we suffer…

websitebuilder@thryv.com — Thu, 26 Oct 2017 06:15:00 GMT

It is unavoidable and here's one of the reasons why...

As human beings, we suffer, it is universal and unavoidable. We struggle with our thoughts, difficult emotions, memories and sensations. We worry, resent, anticipate and dread these internal experiences. At the same time, we are capable of amazing things.. courage, compassion, love, forgiveness, resilience, commitment.

At the centre of all of this sits our mind.

If your mind is anything like mine, it never shuts up… Currently, this is a small sample of what my mind is saying: “you idiot, what are you doing?”, “coffee”, “you don’t know how to blog”, “just delete everything and pretend it never happened”, “check your emails”, “what’s the worst thing that can happen”, “just start”, “start tomorrow” and on and on it goes… a never ending commentary. Some of it helpful and most of it not.

In some ways, minds are easy to control. I can choose to think about what I want, when I want. Like right now, I am choosing to think about funny cat memes I saw this morning. In other ways, minds are stubborn and nasty. Thinking their own thoughts, without permission and usually at really inappropriate times. Our minds can be very persuasive too. They can convince us of all sorts of things… We are unlovable, worthless, damaged, unable to do things within our control.

Ultimately, our minds are just doing what they were designed to do; protect us from danger, to help us survive.. It does so by categorising current situations, relating them to the interpretations we made from the past and predictions about the future. This information is used to evaluate what has, or could be gained by taking action in a particular direction. This process is constant… And just like a radio that plays in the background, we can go for long periods of time without even noticing it is there.

If we are going to do something different with thinking and develop a better relationship with our thoughts and feelings, we first need to catch the process in action. If we are unaware of our internal world we are often left dealing with the unfortunate results of buying into the thoughts our mind continue to sell us. We tend to take our minds far too seriously and turn the chatter into truths.

Recent research continues to support the use of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and this approach is commonly linked to more positive outcomes.

ACT teaches us to look at our thoughts, not from them. We need to notice our thoughts as we would a mud map of directions in the same way we would notice a map on a board (like those ones in shopping centres, I often find myself staring at blankly trying to figure out the quickest way to get to the shop I need). We do not have to follow or resist the map, we can choose our own way to get there… but we do need to notice it. This sense of noticing can occur in the same way we notice a nice sunset, or the sun on our face.

So if you would like to start to notice your thoughts more, I invite you try out the exercise on the right hand side of the screen:

Until Next Time..

Talya and the TLC Psych Team

Embracing Change

websitebuilder@thryv.com — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 16:06:17 GMT

"Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and beautiful at the end" ~ Robyn Sharma

It seems widely accepted that the only constant in this life of ours is change. It happens all around us, every day, all the time. Yet, we often fear it. We get comfortable in the sameness of our lives because it provides a sense of stability, until that sameness leads us down a path complacency.

Change can represent the desire for something to be different. Change can also be forced upon us unexpectedly. Regardless of how it presents itself, it can be viewed as an opportunity for progress and personal growth, yet it is so often met with resistance. At times, this resistance can come from a place of fear and feelings of uncertainty associated with how change may effect oneself and those around them. We don't like not having control, or that the outcome of any change could potentially be worse. Bruised egos, embarrassment and failing, keep people stuck. Ultimately, it seems that people hate losing and this outweighs their love of winning.

If we can agree that change is inevitable. This suggests that we all need to keep adapting. It is both a skill for survival and for success. To not embrace change is to be left behind. To allow fear of change to control and influence your decisions will stop you moving forward.

The concept of embracing change has been relevant for me recently. When I opened TLC Psych Services in April 2016, I had a vision of what kind of values would guide the practice. Compassion, understanding, effective mental health care.. In addition, I had a vision which I still struggle to accurately define. But it involves clients and staff feeling a sense of connectedness, comfort and relaxation. My mission was, and still is to help clients become the best version of themselves and learn to be their own therapists... without all the overly formal/rigidly clinical approaches some practices adopt that I think I would find confronting. I like it when I am barefoot before a session and some clients who see me, often ask to join me, and so they remove their shoes and we the session barefoot. The concept of change is related to this, I promise.

The big change that is now upon me is having a Clinical Psychologist Registrar join the team. She is absolutely lovely and i know she is going to be a wonderful addition. However, my inner critic goes a little like this: This is what I wanted, I wanted to expand the practice and have other psychologists on the team. but.... What if you can't do this. You haven't had someone work for you before. You are supervising her for her endorsement, what if I fail her and myself and ultimately my business, as well as my reputation. Maybe I should have just been happy with the way things were. and on and on it goes.

So what can one do to embrace change openly and willingly? There are many, but I have been focusing my attention on the following:

Going Slowly & Leaning into my fear

Checking my ego: My resistance to change is characterised by fear of failing. If I allow this control my life the practice will never reach its full potential.

Fail correctly : When done properly, failure is a good thing. It is required for taking on risks and pursuing what is important to me. To fail correctly is to fail quickly, inexpensively and never the same way twice.

Finally, If you do not have the life you desire, you need to make changes. Change can be difficult and stressful but when you embrace change and recognise all of the good which it can bring to your life; change is now in the service of something greater, and that something greater reduces fear.

Remember, the key to successful change is to embrace change for all that it is, the fear the failure and the uncertainty, while at the same time taking action steadily towards your goal. Know that there will be setbacks along the way, because after all, this is life. But it is during those moments you can choose to acknowledge the setback without attaching too much meaning too it and keep sight on the journey.

Until next time!

Love from the TLC Psych Team

Mental Health: Improving, Understanding, Accepting

As humans, we suffer…

Embracing Change

"Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and beautiful at the end" ~ Robyn Sharma